As the countdown gets closer I am becoming increasingly anxious about all that this entails. 11 more days until showtime. That is, if the doctor thinks my cervix is "ripe" enough to induce me. (that word ripe is just wrong to use in this way but that's what the doctor said)
Anyway, as I think about welcoming this sweet little girl into our home I can't help but feel a little sad that Blake will no longer be the baby. Is he already almost 2? It seemed like just yesterday that I was bringing him home from the hospital and now he is such a big boy and can do so many things by himself. I have his toddler bed all set up but I just can't bring myself to make the "transfer" yet. I also wonder if I will be able to love little Julia like I love Blake. I never knew I could feel such pure, unconditional love until I held that tiny infant in my arms 21 months ago. Will I feel that same love for this new baby? Will I be able to give Blake the attention he needs? I am so nervous about this endeavor and yet so excited.
Anyway, as I think about welcoming this sweet little girl into our home I can't help but feel a little sad that Blake will no longer be the baby. Is he already almost 2? It seemed like just yesterday that I was bringing him home from the hospital and now he is such a big boy and can do so many things by himself. I have his toddler bed all set up but I just can't bring myself to make the "transfer" yet. I also wonder if I will be able to love little Julia like I love Blake. I never knew I could feel such pure, unconditional love until I held that tiny infant in my arms 21 months ago. Will I feel that same love for this new baby? Will I be able to give Blake the attention he needs? I am so nervous about this endeavor and yet so excited.
6 comments:
Wow. Blake is soooo big. I can't believe that he is almost two. I am so excited to see what he'll be like as the big brother!
p.s. I hope, for your sake, that your cervix ripens quickly!
Aim, your pregnancy went by so quickly!! I am excited to meet Julia myself. Of course you will love her as much, but you might love her in a different way and for different reasons. . .it's weird. I had a unique bond with Isaac when he was born because he has the 3rd child position, which I so identify with and understand. And I have especially tender feelings for Elliot because he is our first and we got to experience these feelings of love for the first time with him. Also, Elliot and I understand each other the best and can communicate well. Aaron is the most like my side of the family, which makes me so comfortable with him. And Norah is my first girl, so I definitely feel a bond to her. I love them all, but they each elicit a different kind of love.
Blake is so big. He's darling!
And, I was thinking about you today and your new gold minivan. I have comment regret: I should have commented that every car we have owned (5 so far) have been in colors that would not have been our first choice. . .or our second. . .or third. Let's just say that 4 out of 5 have been red, and one is royal blue. Not what I would have picked for us, but they were all great deals!
I hope your cervix starts ripening soon. I can't wait to meet Julia!!
I know I have shared with you my feelings about loving the next one . . . but for me I wonder every time how I could possibly love the next baby as much as the previous baby(ies). And so far it's worked out every time that I DO love the next baby with equal depth and intensity. But I second what emily said about loving them in different ways and for different reasons. There is something special about the first. Blake made you a Mommy and you'll always have that special bond with him.
I understand those fears, but don't worry! Your big heart has room for two precious little ones... and probably more! Have I told you I love the name "Julia"?
Happy ripening!
Ditto to what the other's said. Each baby is unique and you will find that your capacity to love is endless. You will love to see your little ones interact... it's a profound reminder of Heavenly Father's wonderful blessing of families. Can't wait to meet your Julia!
I felt exactly the same right before Noah was born. I even have a scrapbook page (from when I actually did some scrapbooking, unlike now) expressing pretty much the same feelings you have. It's funny how all moms experience the same kinds of things...
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