I really enjoyed all your comments about the subject matter of my last post. What can I say, I like a good discussion. I wanted to clarify a few things just to be sure you understand where I am coming from. First off, I completely agree that it's all about how we as mothers explain things to our children. For example, when I was a very small girl my Mom took me to see Cinderella and as we were walking out of the theater she told me that real life wasn't "happily ever after" as portrayed in the movie. She then explained how true happiness was achieved through work and sacrifice. Obviously that made a lasting impression on me if I can still remember it almost 25 years later.
If I came across sounding like I was attacking those of you who have princess stuff at your homes I am sorry because that was not my point at all. I think it is wonderful for little girls to dress up and play pretend. I do not intend to "ban" Disney princess material at my home, I just want to limit its influence, and explain explain explain what I feel are the incorrect messages behind it. Now for another example from my childhood. When I was a girl, my Mom hated Barbies. She didn't relish the idea of her little girl playing with a large chested woman doll. I don't think she liked the message behind the Barbie which seemed to say, Being beautiful is being big boobed, anorexically skinny, having blond hair and blue eyes and boyfriend named Ken. (she never told me this as a child, only as an adult when I asked her why she didn't allow me to play with them.) Therefore Barbies were not played with at my home. I always secretly wanted one but I never got one. So, I'm not real keen on "banning" things as I think it almost has the opposite effect of making your child want what she can't have. (I do have to draw the line at the Bratz dolls-horrible- those will not come in my house)
And finally, perhaps most of you are thinking I am just over analyzing something kind of dumb. Perhaps you are right, but let me explain why. Having a baby girl a little over a year ago has changed my life in a much more profound way than having a boy did. Everything Julia learns about what it means to be a woman will come primarily from me. During my pregnancy I was very anxious and flat out terrified of this awesome responsibility to NOT screw up my child's life and to set a good example of what it means to be a good woman. I began to look at everything differently. Kind of akin to reading the ingredients on the box of cereal you eat everyday , because you are about to feed it to your toddler for the first time. (does that analagy make sense?) I started to look at simple things with more penetrating eyes, knowing that my job would be to explain the barrage of messages that will come her way.
Well, now that you all know what my parenting "thing" is, I'm curious to know what you feel strongly about. Come on, everyone has something. Examples: Maybe you only feed your children organic food because of all the hormones and pesticides in ordinary food. Maybe you won't allow your boys to have any pretend guns in the house because you feel it promotes violence. Maybe your children don't play with any "made in China" toys because you don't want to risk the exposure to lead and other toxins. Please don't be shy. Share...............
15 comments:
There definitely is something "fishy" about the monstrous industry Disney has built up around their princesses. I'm leery of it myself. Its funny though... Waverly is the one in our family who is adamant about not exposing Alice to anything "princessy". I can't quite figure that out...
Did you see the movie "Enchanted"? I really liked it because it was Disney poking fun at itself. And the princess in the story learns what real-life happily-ever-after means. She is the strong one who ends up saving her man from destruction at the end of the movie. It was all about making fun of Disney princesses and girl-power. An the songs were catchy, too!
But about your question... I've vowed not to let my boys play with guns. Somehow Nerf guns and water guns have snuck into our house. I think they don't bother me because they don't look like or try to simulate "real guns" in an overt way.
Funny... I actually put the cilantro back at the grocery store today when I realized I had picked up the more expensive organic version. I went for the "normal" stuff just to save 79 cents. I figure if I'm not going to "go all the way" organically-speaking, then why spend the extra money?
My mom didn't let me play with Barbies. I don't let my girls play with Barbies. I'm totally with you on that one.
OK, I'm done. :)
We really limit the amount of time on the computer and television. In fact I almost never let my kids watch tv. Maybe PBS every once in a while, but usually just videos that I've seen before.
Emily is getting to the age where all her friends have I-pod's or something like that and I won't allow that for a while either. I guess I'm just concerned with the messages that are imbedded in tv and music.
To myself, toys are just toys. Now there are some toys that I don't like the kids to play with at all, mostly weapons and such. However. it's a chance for them to use their imagination. I just try and watch and see how the scenario plays out. Sometimes we have to talk about what their "barbie" is doing and why. It's actually been a way to see what is going on in their lives and then having an opportunity to talk about it.
Anyways, their's my soapbox. :)
I am anti video games, xbox, and the such. I do not intend to ever own one. I know lots of people use them, and love them, and are really good about using it as a privilage and all that. I just think there are too many ways to waste time and brain cells as it is, and I want my kids to read, or build legos, or draw or do something else with their free time. My kids can't play computer games at friend's houses, and they have to call before they can watch TV at somebody else's house. Some of my neighbors think I am a Nazi mom..oh well.
to clarify...it's not the computer games I am worried about at a friend's house...but having internet access. They are not allowed on the internet at a friends house, unless there is an adult present, and they are doing homework or something like that.
Kudos to you for taking a stand against "Princesses" and for taking your job of educating Julia about what it means to be a woman so seriously. I hope to do the same if I am blessed with little ones in the future.
One thing I've learned as a mother is, "Never say never." I remember watching other moms before I ever became one and thinking I'd do it differently when I had children. But you never know what any one mother is dealing with or why she makes the decisions she does for her children. Barbies, video games, guns, toys "made in China", etc. There is a lot, as an adult that I don't like about these things, but did I play with a lot of these things as a child, yes. There will always be someone out there to point out something negative in just about any toy or movie. To simply state the obvious, every parent has to do what makes them feel comfortable with each of their children. We are all just trying to do our best and I think that's the most important aspect in this crazy world of motherhood. Hallelujah to you Amy for being the wonderful woman and mother that you are. I love reading your blog. You are the best!
I don't know if we have a lot of things that will be definite NO's in our house. Right now our only No's are Bratz and sleepovers.
What else do I feel strongly about as a parent? Since living in CA for so long, I'm more concerned about using and consuming natural and organic products more than I ever have been. When more children come into our family, I'm definitely leaning towards glass baby bottles and cloth diapers. Being a steward of our resources definitely is in line with Gospel principles. Now you can tell Dome Dweller what a granola parent I am:)
Wow Amy! What a great response for this topic. I'm only just jumping on the band wagon today and here's my 2 cents. I personally feel everything has to be taken in moderation whether it's princesses, video games, guns, etc. And as for princess stuff... I can't wait for Alli to love it... but like Kate, I don't expect that to be her role model. It's just fun and girly and imagination. I don't think it will make Alli needy as a woman. I do, however, dislike Bratz as they are dressed super immodestly. We won't have those. And Barbies, I'm torn. Not sure yet. I'm in no hurry, though.
When Darren was little, I tried banning guns. That only made him MEGA obsessed. He pretended EVERYTHING was a gun. My brother finally gave him one for his b-day and I've had to let go of my inhibitions and realize it's just boys being boys. And there's always teaching opportunities in everything. We just need to seize them. Great topic and discussion from everyone!
After reading all this, I think I must just be a super permissive mom!
Actually, I really agree with "moderation in all things". If anything becomes "obsessive" or causes bad behavior in my children, then I try to limit it. But for the most part, I think it's important to let kids be kids.
I personally love princess stuff, and don't see anything wrong with it. My favorite Disney princess is Belle, and I love that she loves to read, she doesn't feel that she has to be just like everyone else in her town, she's kind, she loves her father, etc. I think these are all good traits. And like Kate mentioned earlier, Cinderella is a hard worker, kind to animals, etc.
As far as anything "banned" from our home, the only thing I can think of is that Emma is not allowed to wear clothes without a sleeve. This is David's rule, and he INSISTED on it from the moment she was born. If it was me, I wouldn't mind though. Which brings me back to my original comment that I must be a pretty permissive parent. :)
Anyway, thanks for the discussion. It's fun to hear other people's thoughts on things.
This is a really good discussion Amy & I like hearing how other people think. My boys aren't at the age yet where they really want to play with anything besides balls. But I do think for the future I would ditto Melissa's comment. Everything she said is pretty much how I feel about it too & like Nicole said--all things in moderation.
When Darren was little, I tried banning guns. That only made him MEGA obsessed.
Women, you can take away the guns, but you can't eliminate the hunter/gatherer instinct!
I completely agree with Heather that "... you never know what any one mother is dealing with or why she makes the decisions she does for her children."
I am reminded of the ruffly underpants I thought were so cute as a kid. When I got older, I asked my mom why she never bought me some. She said, "Because you'd show everyone!" And I think she would have been right. I just hope I make the right decisions for each of my children.
I count my blessings that my son got into and has stayed into trains so much. They are quite safe and benign. Funny thing though, my daughter wasn't so interested. Darn!
I do 'do' organic--but only when I grow it myself or it's on sale. I'd grow more if I could.
My thing is helium balloons. I don't buy them, and if my kids are at a party where there are balloons I'm just nutso! I definitely don't let my youngest kids play with them, but I let the older kids because they know they won't squeeze them or poke them or put them near their mouths etc. I know this isn't the same as the princess thing because it's not a moral dilema, it's just a fear of mine (my kid choking and dying . . . and the loud "pop" sound).
Melissa - I used to let my baby girls wear sleeveless tops, but Madeline never has. Once Kylie was maybe three, we talked about modesty in dress and I figured if I was teaching her, and not letting her wear tank tops, that baby sister couldn't either. I love marshmallowy baby arms in a sleeveless shirt, but we might as well start the habit from the beginning (or the third beginning!)
I love what Heather said about "you never know". How many times have I judged a mom's actions when I don't really know what she's dealing with. Or judged a mom BEFORE I was a mom and now I do the same thing. I'm sure I do things that other moms would never do, or other non-moms THINK they would never do, until they become a mom. Like - nursing in public (I'm the queen!), letting my kids run around the park without shoes, eating food that fell off the table onto the floor, letting my kids potty in the grass at the park (I never thought I'd do that!), waiting until the diaper is REALLY wet before changing it . . . the list goes on and on. I do stuff every day that I would have said "I'd never do that" about 6 years ago.
Thanks for the great comments everyone. Heather -I'm so glad you found my blog. If you have one, send me a link at ajstansel@yahoo.com.
Oh my... there's so much I feel strongly about, ie; media, internet, TV, video games, sleep overs,... even school instruction.
It's just scary knowing that everything that goes into the head of our children influences how they think and act. It's no wonder why the prophet urges us to be diligent with the basics: family prayer, scripture study, family home evening, etc.
I just feel as a mother, I need to watch carefully everything that goes into the minds of my children. I'm pretty much a police about what does. I must monitor it with acutely, suspecting eyes before they spend time with it, and then there are the limits with when, how long, where, etc. I feel a need to be aware of all that they are reading as well. There are so many subtle influences that will result in the way they think about things. I accept that television is teaching my children something when they watch it, good or bad.
My biggest understanding is that my children are gaining values as they grow up under my care. What those values will be will depend on what enters their minds, and through what I provide for them.
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